


Sauced

by Schmuzz



Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: A very loose John Dies at the End au, Body Horror, Comedy, Dramedy, Drug Use, Horror, and james somehow has to be the voice of reason but he's shit at it, he's just a dumbass, no Aleks doesn't legit die it's cool, remember stoner aleks? this aleks makes stoner aleks look straight edge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-03 21:04:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14577630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schmuzz/pseuds/Schmuzz
Summary: While trying to film another Wrong Side of YouTube, James clicks on a disturbing video. It shouldn't faze someone like him, but he can't quite get it out of his head - or brush it off what he saw as part of a viral ad campaign or clever CGI effects. Then he gets a package in the mail, then Aleks dies - then comes back, and Ein might be able to speak to him, or maybe that's just the remains of a reality-warping drug he's got in his system, and at some point they have to get to L.A., and -James is tired.





	Sauced

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been in the RT fandom for a while (specifically AH, though) and recently picked up Cow Chop! I love them, and I couldn't help but think David Wong's 'John Dies at the End' would make really great au fodder for James and Aleks. I love the book, and decided to give it a shot. This isn't going to be a straight up adaption, but most elements will be similar. I have more written, but I'm not sure how rigid or nebulous this story will be just yet. Could carefully plotted, or be more like a chronologically ordered series of oneshots. Let me know what you think and what you'd like to see though! :)

“Hey, uh,” Aleks snapped his fingers, staring at the screen. They were thirty minutes into filming Wrong Side of Youtube and were somewhat grasping at straws for what to actually search for. “Look up ‘bad trip’.” James gave him an unimpressed glance but typed what he was told.

“Okay, but I’m searching by most recent. Let’s see…” James scrolled down through the results. Most of them were clearly filmed with a cell phone, grainy and out of focus. After skipping past a few tech music loops and laughing over a few compilations of people falling, James clicked on one called ‘Soysauce’.

“Soysauce?”

“Yeah man,” Aleks muttered, “haven’t you heard? It’s the coolest new drug sweeping through china town.”

“Is china town known for drugs?”

“Uhh…” His head hung off the back of the couch, not paying attention to the first few seconds of the video. It was clearly at some rager of a house party, people yelling and shitty music blasting as the camera panned across the room. Through the graininess of the video displayed on a big screen the camera managed to focus in on a few people sitting on a couch. One guy had a cigarette in his mouth, talking around it as he pushed a syringe into the inside of his elbow.

“Ew!” James said, wrinkling his nose.

“What the fuck?” Aleks muttered beside him.

“Who shoots up in public at a party?”

“Yeah man, that’s trashy as fuck. Save it for the bathroom, you know?” Aleks waggled his eyebrows at James to get a reaction, only for his gaze to snap back to the screen. The guy who had just shot up was screaming, in agony, holding his arm. “Holy shit. I think he actually put soy sauce in his arm.”

The darkness of the video and its lack of quality made it harder to make out anything else, but James leaned forward anyway just to try. It could have been the discolored static shifting around on the guy’s skin, but he _swore_ he saw what looked like lumps under the skin of his arm, a million bugs swarming beneath the epidermis. “This is gross,” James said, cursor hovering over the backspace button.

Before he could click it, the man’s arm exploded.

Well, it didn’t exactly explode, more like it burst open, like a dam put under too much stress, or one of those really bad breaks that ends with the cracked bone sticking out of the skin. But instead of a bone, it was actual, flying insects. Thousands of them, wriggling, black, their buzzing drowning out the screams of everyone at the party. Whoever was filming shot up from their spot and started running away, the last few seconds of the video a blur of flesh colored motion before cutting out abruptly. A grid of recommended videos popped up in its place, and it took James a minute to realize neither of them had said anything. He glanced over at Asher, who just offered him a small shrug.

“Dude,” Aleks said, but he didn’t offer up anything else commentary wise. James scrolled down.

“All comments are disabled for this video. Dude, we are this video’s first view. It was posted like a week ago.”

“Look for uhh, Google and see if there’s been accidents with someone’s hand popping off or whatever.”

“This has to be fake, right? Like this is some viral campaign or something.”

“I mean it was pretty grainy,” Aleks said. “And what the fuck of course it’s fake like – look at it!”

“I don’t wanna look at it.” James clicked on the YouTube logo, staring blankly at the home page of the site. He was no stranger to the gross, gory, disgusting recesses of internet videos, but this one left him with an uncomfortable itch somewhere deep in his mind, thoughts racing to try and make sense of what he saw, but not wanting to examine such things too closely.

“So would you do soysauce?” Aleks asked, trying to get the conversation back on track.

"You could not pay me enough to stand in the same fucking room as whatever that shit was.”

“I mean, if RT does more First goals next year…”

“You can do it then, you bitch.” James tossed the keyboard at Aleks. “Look up something to make me forget what I saw.”

“Alright, what about uhh… homeopathic… cyst removal.”

“Gross! Dude!” He tossed his mostly empty water bottle at Aleks, making him drop the keyboard onto the ground, some of its keys snapping off and scattering under the couch. After a two minute shouting match about who was at fault for the keyboard, they decided they probably had enough footage.

Like most disturbing stuff James saw, he eventually forgot about the video. He was a bit apprehensive about going out to his care by himself late at night, and 'accidentally' left a few lights on in his house when he went to bed, and couldn't actually fall asleep because he kept watching the shadows in his room, but he was fine. Just fine. Really. 


End file.
